Grind Slop
Why does every healthy trend curdle into a caricature of itself?
Over the last couple of decades, society finally decided to collectively empathize with the marginalized, which was a beautiful and long-overdue correction. Diversity, inclusion, and tolerance got edited into the same structures that once oppressed anyone who wasn't able-bodied, able-minded, and of the acceptable epidermic pigmentation (and in many ways, still do). But somewhere along the way, the pulse of empathy drifted from reason and picked up an undercurrent:
It's not your fault. You're fine as you are. If the bar is too high, we'll lower it.
And:
Your group identity is the primary reason your life is what it is.
Plenty of people took that as gospel. Others recoiled.
Yet, several years ago, the antithesis rose up: a movement of personal responsibility, individual accountability, and relentless effort to overcome any obstacle — societal or personal. Grind culture.
Fuck your feelings, just work harder.
Who's gonna carry the boats?
David Goggins, Modern Wisdom, Jocko, and others handed us a new and genuinely empowering message:
no one is coming to save you.
And now we have been drowning in content about grinding to new heights at any cost. How to optimize every habit into the best version of yourself. The initiation: "Monk Mode," where you disconnect from your relationships and pour every waking moment into goal-directed behavior. The meticulous morning routine — journaling, cold plunges, morning sun exposure, fasted cardio, hormonal optimization, red-light therapy, genetic tests for vitamin absorption, biohacking, peptides, sleep hygiene, nootropics… The list of things you must do each day to become optimal has become a full-time job. And on top of that, we were told to become entrepreneurs on top of our actual jobs; to free our future selves from the mindless slavery of W-2 mediocrity.
Here's where anyone who knows me in passing might ask: aren't you all about self-development and rigorous discipline?
I am. And I'll admit it. That whole list I just made sound toxic and obsessive? I love every single item on it.
But they're tools. Not an obligation. Not the point. They work only insofar as they help me become who I want to be. Journaling keeps me grounded and aligned with my own values. A cold plunge steels my body and mind against the necrotic comfort of modern life. Peptides and morning walks give me the energy to be present and effective in my day.
None of them are the point. And none of them are on my to-do list.
I also have to admit: there was a time I got too much validation from my rigorous adherence to the "optimization protocol." Checking the daily tasks off felt like progress, like I was becoming who I always wanted to be. Motivated, driven, productive, self-sufficient. But at some point my sense of self-worth became dependent on that false sense of growth. Every time I wanted to just experience life, or do anything that wasn't goal-directed, I felt like a failure. It was toxic, and it turned everything I was doing into negative pressure. I wasn't working hard because I wanted to anymore, I was working hard because it felt like I was worthless the moment I put the list down and enjoyed a day off.
My exhaustion mounted. I was spinning as many plates as I could, chasing growth in every direction, and I had no idea what to do. Only that it all felt about to come crashing down. And if it did, I had no idea who I'd be anymore.
That's when the screws started coming loose. And the place I saw it most was the worst possible place: my counseling work. My ability to just be present for the people in front of me wore thinner and thinner.
That's when it clicked. My sense of self-worth was entirely contingent on what I produced- my work with others, my schooling, my exhausting daily ritual of physical activity and self-help exercises, every metric that felt like "growth."
So I asked myself: what would happen if my self-worth no longer depended on any of it? What would I do with my time and energy?
The answer was so obvious it shocked me. I'd still do all of it. The exercise, the journaling, the meditation, the cold plunges, the psychology books, the being of service to others, all of it. And I'd do those things because that's what I like to do. My values are congruent with those behaviors, and drive them. Growth feels good. Helping people feels good. Doing hard shit to develop myself is who I've been for a long time now.
And that realization let me step back and reassess without the pressure of contingent worth. I am, like everyone, worthy of my own existence regardless of which habits, good or bad, I carry on any given day. And I still choose to wake up, to keep challenging myself to do better, to be better for others, and to build my capacity to do more in the world.
I still have a morning routine. But it's not a to-do list anymore. It's a conscious selection of tools I get to use to change the outcome of my day. I'm about 95% as goal oriented as I was back when I was completely overwhelmed and exhausted, those months when it felt like every spinning plate was about to hit the floor. The difference is I get to do it now, instead of have to. And if I want to spend a Saturday morning in bed, I can truly just enjoy it.
So here's the thing I keep coming back to.
The you're-fine-exactly-as-you-are crowd and the grind-or-you're-worthless crowd think they're opposites. They're not. They make the same mistake in opposite directions: they both put your worth somewhere outside you. One hands it to your circumstances and your group. The other hands it to your output. Both are just a way of not having to carry it yourself.
You don't get to skip that part. Your potential cannot be fulfilled from a place of emptiness. You cannot simply run from a sense of failure. You have to make the choice to grow into who you decide to be.
So yeah, there are times to just fucking grind. If you've been stuck and complacent, if your values and your actions have drifted apart, put your nose down and get to work. But when your nose is down, look up every once in a while. Otherwise you'll grind right past the whole reason you started.